BabyPartner Forums: Wondering about wishing for miracles

I am almost 37, though I look and feel 27. I have 3 children, all born via c-section, ages 18,15 and 10. I just found out I am pregnant again. I went to the OB and he said that I am high-high risk and said he couldn't see me and that i would have a hard time finding anyone. I really had not had any compllications with my previous pregnancies or deliveries. I have tachychardia and WPW (wolff parkinson white which is an extra current in my heart) but I had that all my life. I am on thyroid for low thyroid (which is new), I am looking at c-section 4, )which my old OB in another state said may be the biggest flag for this dr. , I have 2 fibroid tumors roughly 4.5cm in size on the left side and the baby is on my right side of the uterus, I also suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and take meds for that and my age are all factors for me to go see a perinatologist. So, what went from being happy times, (especially since I have had 2 ultrasounds and heard the heartbeat) I am now worried that i might DIE and that my uterus might rupture and my days are consumed with being sad. On top of it all, I am self employed and uninsured. I don't make enough for insurance, but too much to qualify for assistance, which I wouldn't want to do, but now I don't know what to do. I just dropped almost 400 on teh first OB and he is telling me that a perinatologist is like 3x's the money. Anyway, I am worried and very against abortion, but people are telling me that I should quit being selfish and think about an abortion... I just want to crawl into a hole and die thinking about all these things! Any words of wisdom?

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